Saturday, December 13, 2014

The pachyderm in the room

Hey, It's a yoga wreath...get it?!

Well I have putting this off for ages but as I think, most of my readers know, my eldest and I are leaving Sri Lanka in January.  He has been very unhappy for the last year or so.  Most of the reasons why are unfathomable to us but they matter to him.  Frankly, speaking the last 4 yrs+ have been quite unsettling for our family.

First we were supposed to stay for 4 yrs in Seattle but that was cut to 2 when G had to close down the office.  Both boys had settled down into a nice routine and were being fairly "normal".  I have admit Seattle is a damn fine place to live, aside from the political crap (race/guns/education) and I was finding my groove.  It was where N know like the geese do with a trainer!

So moving here was a big change and perhaps not the most thought out option.  I think if I ever give a lecture for new recruits to this line of business, I will definitely tell them them to plan out the kids education and where you want to be.  Most kids are okay with the life but there are those who aren't, and they are entitled to that.  They didn't choose the life...we did.  That said, this is an huge imposition but we get it.  

If I am honest, I'm kind of tired of the life right now.  So much is coming at me, teenage boys, career aspirations, menopause, yadda, yadda, yadda.  This break could just what the doctor ordered for our family.  You live very closely when you are abroad.  This post is especially hard for teens 'cuz there ain't really that much to do but get into trouble or spend too much time on the internet.  I really want the boys to have what I had growing up, a job, school, friends, hanging out, independence and growth.  We are all a bit stunted here.  

I beat myself up that this was the "wrong move" but who could anticipate all that has transpired?  In so many ways it hasn't been the wrong move for me, I have done stuff and met people I never would've.  My sister and my dear, dear friends even came to visit and we got to have laughs and some pretty wild cool is that?  So now when I talk about "Galle" or Slave Island there are 3 more people who know what I'm on about!

What has been really nice is that people have been quite supportive.  One couple in particular saw it as a good thing and spoke of all the positive stuff that could come out of it.  It was like being thrown a life raft.  I am scared, I don't know how to parent a teenager.  I only have my experience as one!  "YIKES!"     

N is off on his way, it is now time for me to transition.  It is hard to let go and some of N's choices are difficult for me to accept but I must (within safety limits of course!).  I've got to preserve me as I still have one more child coming up the line and a husband.

It's funny, a good friend noted that divorce rates spike at 7 and 25 years...guess where we are.  It will be hard to for me to go back to "wifey" role after 6 months of being a single mom.  Not having to feel like I must cook a decent, well balanced dinner etc., is going to be liberating in so may ways. For the most part though, I do it because I want to, G works hard and loves his family.  I am lucky to have him.

Then M, my youngest.  He is going to get some responsibilities that horrify me.  But if anyone can do it he can.  I can trust him to be responsible.  Even now, I can feel my blood pressure rise as I think of  him flying home alone at the end of term, but he'll do it and I should really be proud of that.  Again this couple mentioned how rewarding that type of experience is.  I get it...but he's still my baby.

Whew!  Big confessional post.  It's that time of year.  I am excited by moving back to Canada.  It is home and "normalcy" is something to be cherished.  Perhaps I'll feel differently when I'm shoveling snow at 7 a.m., but there you have it.

So, with our disgruntled kids we are off to Kandy, then climb Sigiriya (really really awesome!), see some elephants, all by train.  Then home for a few days then down to the beach until New Year's.  

New Year's (of course!) has it's own set of challenges but I'll write soon.

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