Every couple of years I have the chance to reinvent myself. I can choose the language to describe me, the wardrobe, the herstory. This time is especially poignant as the I am the big 5-0. So who do I want to be this time? Well, I don't to totally discard what has come before but it's beginning to dawn on me that there is not much time left to become who you are. Hence, for example, if I want to call myself an "artist" then I better well get on it, start saying it and believing it. (I have always found that if you say something out loud then you have a "witness" to it and then you are obligated to follow through.)
So what am I going to be this time? It's hard because my role as active, full-time mother is winding down, G is on board for a housekeeper, and at this stage I'm not so keen on subbing at the school. It sure would be a lot simpler if things were done the Korean way where when you are a baby five things are put out in front of you, and the first thing you pick is your career path. At least if you weren't happy down the road, you would have an idea of what you didn't want to be!
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| "What the heck does a stone represent?!" |
I think this is one of the problems with "passing". I don't mean it in a racial way but in a life way. Some people don't get to know in this life what their calling is, they might have a hint and subconsciously be working toward it but they ain't there yet. So I figure to make up for this kind of karma they get to pass..like pilgrims on a trek. (I don't know what character in"The Canterbury Tales" I would be, the ribald, bawdy suburban housewife perhaps? Nah...) So maybe getting my karmic house in shape is the order of the day. Yet as I write this, it seems a bit defeatist and I'm an eternal optimist if nothing else! "What to do, what to do?"
*my apologies to Peter Fonda
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